American Dreams

“Assistants are not supposed to smile.”

The words of a Nineteenth Century British scion? Hardly. These are the sentiments of an American sixteen-year-old girl, featured on MTV's Super Sweet 16 show.

The MTV program gives us a jarring snapshot into the world of $200,000 Sweet 16 parties, and the New York Times provides a nice backstory on many of the featured girls and their parents.

Marissa dyed her poodles pink in order to match her dress. Priya and Divya will make a grand entrance, led by elephants. Aaron used MP3 players as his invites.

Such profligacy is fine, and certainly no crime, if one can afford it — and I'm not interested in telling other people how to spend their coin. What really gives me pause is the utterly vacuous thinking underneath it all:

“Assistants are not supposed to smile.”

“We both love attention — that's one of our main motives for having the party,” Divya said. “The more attention the better.”

And last but not least, “We both want to lose three pounds.”

The father of the little monsters quoted above said: “If you can afford to have a grand celebration, then why not.... It's the American way. You work hard and you play hard.”

Remember that.

People interest me. I like to compare and contrast different sorts of people, from different backgrounds and demographics. I like to imagine them meeting each other, knowing each other, even loving each other.

When I think of the slice of American culture represented in the MTV show, I naturally think of its opposites. One such opposite is this: A young man grows up in a lower middle-class family in Anytown, USA. He learns “Waste not, want not” early. Upon coming of age, he joins the military, seeing it as an act of honor, self-respect, and patriotism. When he returns, he may go to college, or he may not. Either way, his world is as different from the Sweet 16 girls as one can imagine in today's America.

And when I think of that young man, I also think of a young woman, and her name is Sam Huff.


Sam, a beautiful, smart, extremely sociable young woman in Tucson, Arizona, decided at age 16 that she was going to join the Army. When high school graduation finally came, she did exactly that, ultimately becoming a Private First Class in a military police unit and going to Iraq. She had more maturity and drive at 17 than many people ever have in their lives.

“Within two weeks of her arriving in our unit, even I knew who she was,” said her battalion commander, Lieutenant Colonel James Switzer. “Battalion commanders get to know their soldiers for two reasons. They got in trouble or they are very unique individuals. Private Huff was a unique individual. Her smile could light up a room. She could lighten the mood of any hardcore [noncommissioned officer] and even bring a smile to an old warrior’s face.”

Last year, Sam fell victim to an improvised explosive device, which blew off her leg, causing her to bleed to death.

Her story is well-told because it's extraordinary: A bright, smart, and luminous girl chooses to enlist in the Army and go to war when there were so many other things she could do. As she told one of her fellow soldiers in Iraq: “You know what, Lathers? I could have been the next Gap girl. I had a modeling contract and everything. But no, look at me I’m in this awful country, wearing (desert combat uniforms), carrying around a weapon wherever I go and fighting for my country.”

“Assistants are not supposed to smile.”


One can counsel against the decision Sam Huff made to go to Iraq, and one can have various views on whether anyone should be going to Iraq at all. There's the sinking feeling of a wasted life: so young, so vibrant, so beautiful in spirit. But we must not miss the point.

There are many Americas, and I have shown you two of them. In one America, a father showers his daughters with Bentleys and elephant-led birthday parties. He reduces America to “Work hard, play hard.”

In another America, a girl, just as beautiful as all the rest, knowingly takes the risk of being blown to pieces in a far-off land, fueled by a sense of honor and valor in the service of a just cause.

Even as I lament her decision, I would choose Sam Huff's America in a heartbeat. It fascinates me, disturbs me really, to realize that people like Sam Huff are tasked with defending people like Priya and Divya, and all the rest of America.

As for that other America, so many Americans think that this country is nothing more than a saccharine American Dream: Work hard and play hard; get rich; get famous; get on MTV or on reality television.

There is no apparent awareness that America should be about self-actualization and the freedom to do it, that the American Dream is more inspiringly characterized as the realization of one's very best self, the ultimate that one can become — a dream of personal excellence achieved in a context of liberty.

Only one of these dreams is really worth defending.



Joe Duarte is a freelance writer, software QA consultant, and psychology student living in Tempe, Arizona. He publishes regular commentary on his blog, at joeduarte.blogspot.com.